Thoughts on Allowing and Accepting
I had this idea about twenty years ago that I would write a self-help book that combined my belief in what I call “inner-giftedness” and the idea that success could be measured by meaningful personal accomplishments, rather than public achievement.
My agent and my writing mentor agreed on two things about my idea: (1) not everyone believes that each and every person has an innate giftedness, and (2) although gradual, incremental progress is indeed the way to manifest goals and dreams, that idea doesn’t sell well. People want the quick-fix, the instant gratification, and the message that anything is possible, but hard work and time can’t be part of the equation. I added this third objection: who am I to write about goals and achievement? I’m nothing extraordinary. I’m no Tony Robbins or Taylor Swift. Just an ordinary guy from Chehalis, Washington, population 2,500.
I tucked the idea away, but never dropped it entirely.
I was pondering this again just the other day, and realized something obvious and profound. It doesn’t matter if it won’t sell because it’s not marketable. This is not something that is supposed to make me money. I am a writer. I write to communicate. To memorialize. We are the only animal on the planet that can pass on information from one generation to the next through this complex arrangement of symbols and metaphors we call language. It is my duty, not my job, to write all this down.
What I’ve learned in these 61+ years is not how to blast my way into millions of dollars, but rather how to achieve simple but meaningful personal accomplishments. My wife and I created Washington State’s first rural charter school. I went from homelessness to a law degree. I have written novels and textbooks, been an exceptional college professor, taught college courses in prison, changed lives for the better. My wife and I have overcome struggles and built a strong partnership and a fabulous life. Our band played on AMC’s unscripted Showville series. We played on the same ticket with Foo Fighters and Mumford and Sons during their Gentlemen of the Road Tour. We’ve raised five kids with varying degrees of failure and success. Our friends and acquaintances see us as a power couple and know that we are excellent at manifesting our dreams. But we don’t do it through “massive action” or by using “the secret” unless the secret is a combination of imagination, intelligence, and hard work.
As Taylor Swift puts it, “My life doesn’t gravitate towards being edgy, sexy or cool. I’m imaginative, I’m smart, and I’m hard working.”
This is the message that my agent, way back when, and my writing mentor, despite her best intentions and her own success from diligent hard work, warned me would not sell. This is why Tony Robbins’ books sell millions.
So, I gave up on the idea that I could publish a book on meaningful personal accomplishment.
Another lesson my wife and I learned, somewhat by accident, was that the key to achieving a dream that felt like a need, a deep longing like freedom or love or creating a school for marginalized children, or even a small goal like learning to ski or play music, was to let go—to detach from the outcome, to accept and allow. This might be one of the hardest lessons, because as human organisms, at least in our Western way of thinking, we believe that “if it’s going to be, it’s up to me.” And so we try and try and strive, and the thought of letting go and allowing the Universe to deliver our dreams, which often exceed our expectations, is almost impossible.
“Allow. Accept. Appreciate. And always dream and listen to your inner voice.”
The Universe does not obey us. Things happen that we don’t expect. Just when Katie and I were hitting our stride—the school was set to open, we’d just gotten married after being best friends for almost ten years, we were both in good health and strong and happy—cancer hit me like a ton of bricks. Shit happens. And still, we go on. In fact, the PA that coordinated my stem cell transplant, a kindred soul, said, “Those who do best with this treatment and the life that follows are the ones who can find the gift in the situation.”
That may sound oxymoronic, but what is the alternative? To sit around and mope and complain and be a victim, or to play the hands we are dealt?
During the months and months of rehabilitation, Katie and I played a few thousand hands of gin rummy, keeping a running score, and one thing we found was that the more we played, the better we got at strategy, and that good luck and bad luck eventually evened out and the difference in our scores was purely due to skill. The more we played, the better we got.
Here are the basic lessons we have learned so far:
Let go of your attachments to outcomes. Often, the Universe is prepared to deliver more than you can even imagine. More joy, more freedom, more money.
Accept and allow, and always be grateful for the blessings you have. Find the gift in the challenges.
Meaningful personal accomplishments don’t have to be earth-shattering.
Accomplishment is like investing. Some few people strike it rich because all the stars lined up for them. Cool. Most of us though have to invest a bit at a time over a long period. Be consistent. Work hard but don’t overdo it. If you are a round peg, there is a round hole for you somewhere.
Anger and happiness are indicators. Accept them. Pay attention, but also remember that they can be fleeting, and that they are also largely choices you make.
Manifesting a dream requires an actual dream. You have some built-in desires and talents, and the world needs those. Getting in touch with your deepest longings means listening, not to the outside world, but to your inner voice, your spirit and your soul. This may be the hardest lesson of all, especially in this world of distractions and false messaging.
Find your true inner voice and then listen to it.
Money is just a thing. It’s not an end goal. It’s part of the flow of the Universe and it kind of goes where it wants to. Be open to it, but not obsessed. Look for where you can do the most good in the world and let that sustain you.
Have faith, but also remember that you are in charge of your own life. We often say, “We have arranged our lives to be this way.” It reminds us that we can influence our situation through the choices we make. It doesn’t mean we arranged to have cancer. That’s just a thing that happens. But we did arrange our lives to have health insurance and savings, and to be together, and afterward we moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico to heal and recover, and it’s marvelous for us.
We are continuing to learn about our own power to manifest and create, and we now define success not as money or fame, but as how we feel about the choices we make and how we deal with the world around us.
Allow. Accept. Appreciate. And always dream and listen to your inner voice.